simply me

there is no way to describe this. it's like being on a permanent high.
 *wooo...hoooooooo* :)))))
i am probably the luckiest girl in the world :)

všeč mi je. 

včas bi se histerično smejala. 

včas se pa sam zadovoljno nasmehnem. 

Všeč mi je, fizično, in psihično, in z vsemi ... geeky značilnostmi, in z vsemi ... čudaštvi. 

I. LIKE. HIM. SO. MUCH.

<3

in prvič v življenju - mi je čist vseen, kaj si drugi misljo. 

MOJ. 

yeah yeah, same old same old. 
i like someone :P
he likes me back :)

but he's funny. :D
and ... so smart.
and ... so eloquent. 

and just lovely :)

and a bit of a geek :)
not AT ALL cool ;)

but i love every second i spend with him :)

it seems i'm finally finally over jure. His cousin's boyfriend added me on FB (am so glad about it - i'd always wanted to email them and then didn't because i thought it would be weird) and among his pics is one of jure and branka. I looked at it - i made myself do it, and nothing. Didn't feel a thing. It was sort of like an out-of-body experience; seeing my first serious boyfriend, my first lover, the man i thought was going to be my husband, with someone else. She's not particularly pretty - but he looks more man next to her than he ever did next to me, and i suppose that counts for something. He's wearing a really ugly puma shirt (horrible, his style is so off it actually hurts) - but if they're happy, then good for them. I'm happy too, most of the time, when i don't have to worry about money and other stuff that real life brings, and sometimes whether i'll meet anyone else -  but mostly i'm happy with my life; with my choices - and the freedom enabling me to actually have choices. I'm happy i went to Šolta - and paid for everything with my money - and happy i came back to Tacen, to a flat i'm paying for. And happy i could then go with my car to citypark and go shopping, just because. 
So life is not bad. It's not what i expected, or planned, but it's not bad. And the feeling i have when i wake up every day is not one of despair - but rather one of expectation. And that is something i'd been missing when jure and i were still together. 
So - jurč, you have a good life. I wish you all the best, and - no regrets; for neither of us.

Me, i'll be fine. I'll be just fine. :)

Moj dragi ti. Sedim v pisarni in mislim nate. Mislim nate daleč stran od Ljubljane, kako se pripravljaš za izpit, ali pa morda za nastop, kako premišljuješ o notah in partiturah, in morda malo tudi o meni, in o prejšnjem tednu. Prebiram časopise, in premišljujem, katere teme bi pripravili za danes, in čakam na tvoj sms, in si mislim, tako kot si rekel, this is crazy.
In mogoče iz vsega skupaj nič ne bo, mogoče pa. In morda odhajam tudi jaz stran od Ljubljane, iz Slovenije, drugam, v moje drugo življenje. A že trenutno bo kar v redu, tudi zato, ker si ti nekje, pa čeprav tri prestopanja na letališčih stran.

What a difference a year makes :) Dar acum stiu - te esti .... in mine :)

http://eirene.blog.siol.net/2009/06/10/neznosna-lahkost-bivanja/

in kaj potem?

matr mi je fajn :) res. Sej vem, da mi en kup fali.

Sam mi je fajn. :)

Skratka.
Dans sem šla dam, itak, da napol mrtva (as i still am). In se pogovarjava tko z mami, tralala, čist normaln, in pol pokliče sestrična in pol tko sam slišm mami "ja ne nč ni boljš, ja, lohk je slepota, sem mislla, da bo boljš, mal sem sesuta"

OK. HOLD IT. WHAT?

No, in pol pride nazaj v kuhinjo in jo vprašam, kaj je z njenimi očmi in mi pove. Mislm, vedla sem že, da so ji izmeril povišan pritisk v očeh, k je bla nazadnje, in so ji dal ene kapljice za oči, zdej v petek je bla pa spet pr okulistu in se je sicer mal znižal pritisk, sam da je še zmer nad normalno vrednostjo in da je to zelena mrena (glavkom), čigar zadnja in neizogibna posledica je slepota.
WTF?!
Tko da je zdej čist obupana. Jst pa tud. Man no :( Also - i feel SO bad about all the bitchin' i've done lately :(

Čeprov sem šla pol gledat mal na net. Zvišan pritisk je samo en od faktorjev. Pa jst bi šla še po drugo mnenje. Pa k oftalmologu. Tko da - it might be ok. Držte pesti, punce. Jst res ne vem, kaj bi, če se mami kej zgodi, kljub njenim takim in drugačnim popadkom.

( my theory, let me show you it )

... is just sit and wait.

Or, rather, all I can do is just sit and wait. That's ... new O_O :)

But on to more important stuff :) Yesterday i had my car serviced. Which is no biggie, i know, but for me it was huge - see, i've never done it before! On my own! :D So it was yet another accomplishment. You know? :)

Every day i get to do something new that really empowers me. It's so great. And not scary anymore. And i don't feel a burning urge to run and tell jure about it every time something like this happens. I have me now ;)

I'll be just. fine. Whatever happens. I'll be just fine :)

Now - back to work. There are people who rely on me ;)

So, in the light of everything that's been going on with LJ - should i archive my posts? And, uhm...how do i do that? O_O

an early one. and only one.

enough. no more.

this is enough.

you don't have to know what i mean, but i think you do anyway.

my dear gals, have yourselves a merry little christmas :)

I just want to thank you all for all the support you've been giving me steadily this year. I love you and am grateful for you at the same time *hugs* I hope I won't have to do the same for you because I don't want anything bad happening to you, but if it does, you can always, under all circumstances, count on me.

Thanks again, you're the best! <3 <3 <3

( NOT about dating :D )

Evo, direkten citat z bloga Sadie, ki je pravi poet in jo občudujoče berem že nekej časa. Pa zmer ve, kaj napisat oz. zmer napiše tist, kar rabm prebrat, ob pravem času. Ne vem, kakšna povezava je to :)

"Je bilo malo bizarno, je manjkalo nekaj malega, ampak bilo veliko ostalega. Pa tud če nisem v celoti govorila resnice, ne takoj, pa tud če je v resnici vse tisto bila resnica, samo malo bolj pozna, se spomnim, nikoli ne bom pozabila, si rekel - mene vse to nič ne moti. Jst te vzamem celo in vso, z vso čustveno prtljago, s težkim tovorom na upognjenem hrbtu, jst te hočem, da te ozdravim, da te zacelim, da nesem pol te zajebane prtljage zate, dokler ne pozabiš, dokler ne zaživiš spet, z mano, drugače, na novo. In sva stala tam objeta ob štirih zjutraj, naslonjena na ograjo, ki je obdajala majhen ribnik - ne vem, če ni bil Brbotalnik, kar stala sva tam in si verjela. Ampak tisti hip, ko sem se zalotila, da so kljub vsemu lepemu moje nore misli pa vseeno odtavale nekam drugam, tisti hip sem vedela, da ne bo šlo, da mi je namenjeno, da me najprej še bolj boli, ker mora še bolj boleti, da potem vendar neha."

Ja. Najprej mora še bolj bolet. Da potem neha.

In mene še ni nehal bolet. In noben Darijan ne more tega spremenit.

Surely it's not normal that I'm so insanely looking forward to seeing him tonight.

Also, check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7TkyzvXLdo

http://sadie007.blog.siol.net/2008/11/19/nocem-bit-ti/

tkole nekak no, z mal priredbe, pa da ne bom ravn teksta kradla, se jst zdele počutm. in se mam tud čist fletn in mi ni nč hudo in tud jst se bom znašla.

pa tud ključavnco bom namontirala. Če sem jo kupla, jo bom tud namontirala.

Pa tud vitrex sem kupla, znam. Pa tud navodila za razredčenje so gor.

Pa olje tud že znam preverit.

Pa tud police bom namontirala, če bo treba. Pa s T2 se tud znam zmenit.

Vsak dan je ena mala zmaga. Al pa dve.

In sem samostojna in neodvisna in odrasla.
In jst bom v redu.

kaj pa ti?

girls. :)))) life is SO. GOOD.

will explain...later. I just...needed to write this. I CANNOT stop grinning :DDD




ps: vera, i need you to hold me back, because i'm falling in... in... in...


but only slightly.

http://www.rtvslo.si/zabava/modload.php?&c_mod=rnews&op=sections&func=read&c_menu=2&c_id=37729

the.BITCH. i knew it. fucking branka (aka boyfriend-snatcher) ARGH >_>

but to try every day all over again?

it's too difficult, too difficult.

sem v kabinetu. pospravljam stvari za novo stanovanje (kdaj bo že to?) in čevlje in take stvari. in ne upam niti pomislit na matejino sobo, kjer je še kup stvari, ki jih ne morem niti pogledat, ker so tam sami spomini, sami spomini.

kako se mi je lahko v enem mesecu obrnilo življenje na glavo?

kako je lahko to naredil, ne da bi trenil z očmi?

kako naj še kdaj poskusim bit v razmerju?

počutim se poškodovano.